Managing Anxiety Without Letting It Control You
Anxiety is like that uninvited houseguest who overstays their welcome, monopolizes the conversation, and fixates on worst-case scenarios. Naturally, most people just want it to leave and not come back. But what if anxiety isn’t the enemy? What if it’s more like a smoke detector—sometimes helpful, sometimes mistaking burnt toast for a kitchen fire?
What Is Anxiety and Why Do We Have It?
Before jumping into anxiety management strategies, let’s take a step back and recognize anxiety for what it is: an old-school survival mechanism. Our ancestors relied on it to stay alive—those who were a little more anxious were better at spotting threats, avoiding danger, and passing on their genes. Anxiety helped early humans prepare for challenges, stay vigilant, and, when necessary, run like hell.
The issue? Modern life isn’t full of saber-toothed tigers, but our brain wiring hasn’t caught up. Instead of responding to immediate physical threats, our anxiety alarm bells go off over emails, social situations, and existential dread at 3 a.m.
How Avoiding Anxiety Can Make It Worse
Avoiding anxiety may provide temporary relief, but over time, it can actually make things worse. Each time you try to suppress or escape anxious feelings, you’re reinforcing the belief that anxiety is something to fear. This fear of anxiety itself triggers more anxiety, creating a cycle of avoidance and heightened stress that intensifies over time. Rather than diminishing anxiety, this strategy makes it stronger, and subsequently harder to break free from the grip of worry and dread.
A lot of anxiety management advice boils down to “just calm down,” which is about as helpful as telling someone to “relax” when they’re already stressed. A more effective approach views anxiety as an internal alert system rather than an enemy to banish.
When anxiety shows up, try asking yourself:
What is my anxiety trying to protect me from?
Is this an actual fire, or just smoke?
What would happen if I didn’t immediately push this feeling away?
Instead of reacting with avoidance or suppression, approach anxiety with curiosity. Sometimes, it has useful information—maybe it’s nudging you to prepare for something important. Other times, it’s just being overprotective.
Mindfulness Strategies to Manage Anxiety
Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, acceptance and mindfulness-based strategies focus on making space for it. Here’s what that can look like:
1. Label Anxiety
Naming anxiety (“Oh, there’s that anxious ‘worst-case scenario’ voice again”) helps create distance between you and the related thoughts and feelings. It’s like acknowledging a pushy salesperson without buying what they’re selling.
2. Ground Yourself in the Present
Anxiety thrives on time travel, usually into an imagined future full of catastrophe and doom. Bringing your focus back to the present can interrupt the downward spiral. Try:
Deep breathing exercises
Naming five things you can see, hear, or feel right now
Feeling your feet on the ground
3. Instead of Driving, Let Anxiety Ride Shotgun
Trying to eliminate anxiety often backfires. What if, instead, you let it be there without letting it drive? You can still take action toward what matters, even with anxiety tagging along.
Anxiety Isn’t the Problem—Avoiding It Is
At the end of the day, anxiety isn’t something to be “fixed.” It’s part of being human. The more we try to shove it away, the louder it tends to get. But by listening to it, making space for it, and recognizing when it’s overreacting, we can learn to live with it—without letting it run the show.
If anxiety has been running your life, you don’t have to handle it alone. I offer virtual therapy in California (and in person visits in Danville are coming soon!) to help you build a different relationship with anxiety so you can step out of the tug-of-war and focus on what truly matters. Schedule a free consultation today to start shifting your relationship with anxiety.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing distress or have concerns about your mental health, please consult a licensed psychologist or other qualified mental health professional in your area.